Dearest Kyle Field

Posted on: August 30th, 2011 by BB_05 No Comments

Dearest Kyle Field,

Please, have a seat. You had a helluva run, old chap. But you’re very Big 12. We’ll try to be careful not to disturb the Revs and overall idea of you, but we’ve made the executive decision to go on and put you out to pasture.

If it makes you feel any better, we’re buying the largest football stadium in college football. You heard me right, the largest in the game. So please know that ONLY the biggest and baddest mf’er purchaseable under the sun is what did you in.

But the cash cow needs a new barn. And your barn is stinky and maxes out at 90 thou. Haha. 90 thou. That was nice when we lived on a Big 12 budget and we couldn’t rely on visitor ticket sales to even make a dent in the light bill. WE HAD TO PLAY IOWA STATE AT 2:30pm BC WE COULDN’T PAY THE LIGHT BILL!!

The SEC demands the best. And we’re simply not interested in going to the SEC to be middle of the pack. We’re far too wealthy and richly resourced for that bullshit. Matter of fact, starting next week, we’ll be restocking the tp in the Bright Complex with stacks of hundos. And Ol Sarge is replacing the stars and bars on his chest with gold nuggets. Just badass, plump gold Nuggets.

It’s been said that the SEC is an arms race. Well consider this our first third arm purchase. And it’s gonna be a motherfucker.

We wanna have this conversation with recruits:

“Hi Texas A&M, I am 4 star stud XYZ from Houston, can I please play football 1.5 hours from my house, in the SEC, in the largest college football stadium on Earth (112,000 seats), and win you Championships?”

“Well, as much as we’d love to offer everyone, our class has already been filled with 25 5 star SEC studs. We’d love to have you try out for the 12Th Man Kickoff Team as a preferred walkon though!”

“Done, coach. Thank you for the opportunity to compete for a position on the Fightin Texas Aggie team. Signed in blood. Maroon Blood. Kyle Field at Von Miller Stadium, here I come!!!”

Kyle, you’ve been great to us for so long, old man. You’ve seen em win and you only saw em quit under Fran a couple times. But the Aggie faithful won’t have a place to nestle in the sweet graces your holy bosom without this change. The SEC is going to find a way to weasel their way in through the sacred gates one way or another. They’re already buying up hotel rooms at the Ramada on Texas for 2012. They’ve got dinner reservations at Blue Baker! I PROMISE, we are only making space for the additional Aggie fans and 5 star recruit’s parents viewing boxes at Kyle Field.

It’s been great, Kyle. We’ll never forget the way you rocked. So hard. So very hard.


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