Dear SEC,
Just stop it already. I don’t wanna hear about how glad you are to have The Texas Aggies in your conference. I’m sick of seeing your guest names on my websites. I Hate you. I don’t need your historical citations of conference brotherhood. I don’t care that we let you have a couple of our coaches. And I don’t want you posting SEC SEC SEC! on my facebook wall.
You think I’m starting this relationship off on the wrong foot?? False. I’m starting it off on the right foot. With more unimaginable hate than your feeble brain can calculate.
This is what I know to be true, quantifiable, empirical, irrevocable FACT: NO ONE LOVES THE TEXAS AGGIES. In the history of the world, no man has ever loved the Aggies that loves another school. “No man can serve two masters.” -The Bible.
And we’ve worked for decades to position ourselves like that and maintain said position.
You don’t respect me or my brothers. You see me as an opportunity, not a challenge. You don’t see majestic Maroon, you see greed green. You think just because you bought a month’s worth of our TexAgs that you can just come on in bang my wife? And now you think I’m just gonna let you into TEXAS and bang my recruits too?? Well, fuck you.
I don’t want to callabo hate for the sips with you, bc you don’t hate the sips like I do. I buried the greatest Aggie I’ve ever known last year on a t.u. pennant, because the guy hated the sips so intensely. Blind hatred, gentlemen. A man who well into his 80s couldn’t look a horn in the eye because he knew they were vile and untrustworthy. Hell, you probably own something in your house that is some shade of orange? Ha! No, no, you don’t hate sips like I do.
Some Razorback cock wrinkle had the audacity to proclaim yesterday that after the hate on the field, he likes to drink and eat with the other SEC teams and party. Well, I don’t want an invite. I’m not going to Baton Rouge to have a beignet and wax nostalgic about the time they fucked with our bank roll. I’m not gonna draw some blurred parallel between Auburn and myself, because we’re both products of a land grant Agriculture and Mechanical Colleges. They’re not like me. They work for me.
I’m not going to Gainesville to take a picture with Tim Tebow. And I’m not gonna spell words like “Tibeaux”, because that shit doesn’t make phonetic sense to me. I’m a Texas man, goddammit. With tha sausage, and the fried eggs, and the T-bone steaks.
We, The Texas Aggies are gonna grace whatever Conference WE decide will benefit US the most. We’re 100 MILLION cockstrong, rabid, bloodthirsty fans. With loaded wallets and vacation days abundant.
If the Aggies are playin on the moon, you bet your sweet ass, we’re comin too. Even if the moon signed the #1 class in the nation and we’re 100 pt. dogs. We’re buyin the officially licensed bowl shirts, before the game, and Carter Beauford is gonna lead Yell Practice from the Aitken Basin.
I hate that you conned us into Fran. I hate that you got Championships out of Coach Bryant. I hate Schula Steak Houses. I hate croakies, I hate boat shoes, and I hate North Face. I’m gonna make a mess in all your bars, talk loudly, flex my ripped Aggie guns, and feed your women from the flow of my loins.
So you can cool it will the wolf in sheep’s clothing act. You and everyone of your patronizing SEC pals.
We’re not coming to your league to drink beer with you. We’re coming to your league to kick your asses and then steal your beer and then pour it out and drink Lone Star.
Yeah. It’s like this and like that, motherfuckers,
-BB_05
As a former student, all I can say is that you young man are a retard.
And you refer to yourself as “cOokie”. So we’re even.
We all are entitled to our opinions, to be certain. However, I think this may have crossed the line of what it means to not look like Horn Fan. This sounds more like something Horn Fan would write – filled with the same sort of burnt orange arrogance and such. That is not who we are, and we should remember that one of the critical reasons we are leaving the conference is because Horn Fan has this type of attitude. I do get having swagger, but not at the expense of people being angry with us for taking swagger into the level of arrogance.
Damned Hilarious! Of course, not at all Aggie-ish, which is probably why I laughed so hard at this. We Aggies try to by un-sip-like and keep our manners, but sometimes you just wish you could let your hair down. This will suffice.
OK, wow! Well, I too am an Aggie. I have never called anyone a motherfff… a motherfff… a name like that. I did get a chuckle from this diatribe, but the sentiment is well founded. If at all possible, we are coming to kick your athletic butts. We will not simply be satisfied to be part of some club, no matter how great the club is. As it turns out, we think that we are pretty great too! We don’t feel the need to be grateful that the SEC took us in, but will be proud to be an SEC member and, when not rooting for ourselves, will heartily root for other SEC members above all others (especially t.u.)! As fans, our history is to be courteous to others, but it doesn’t mean that we tolerate rudeness. We give what we get. You can ask no more of anyone. We will shake your hand, look you straight in the eye, say “Howdy”, and mean it, but we will give what we get. We may still sing “goodbye to Texas University”, but don’t take us for simple minded fools prating on about old memories! We are creatures of tradition and honor our history, but we don’t dwell in it. For us, to know our past is to know who we are. We are the fighting Texas Aggies! Howdy!